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So how do you know when a child is old enough and secure enough to be ready to stay overnight with the other parent?
In my view, they need to be over two, although the answer depends almost entirely on the father’s relationship with the child. You can often get an idea by observing what happens if children fall down or bang their head when both parents are in the room. ’The mothers (and fathers) who do their children the most damage are those who try to alienate children from the other parent.
They should not be expected to spend nights away with the other parent, usually the father, on a regular basis unless both parents have shared the child’s care from the beginning. Because the attachment between infants or toddlers and their principal caregiver actually affects the development of their brain.
When children are small, their brains aren’t sufficiently developed to understand why one of their parents has left home. And what’s particularly heart-breaking is that they almost always assume it’s their fault.
For my new book on family breakdown, I’ve talked to dozens of separated parents and their children, and drawn on four decades of experience as a child psychologist.
In addition, I’ve studied a lot of new research on the subject and investigated what goes on in our courts.
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Not only that, but the broken relationship between their parents may make it very hard for these children to form secure and trusting relationships later on.
I was ten years old at the time, and sitting on the school bus.
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She has performed her one-woman show To Heaven in a Swing, The Last Day in the Life of Louisa May Alcot in New York at the American Place Theatre, York Theatre and Barnard College, as well as in Houston, Amherst, Ivoryton Playhouse, Orchard House in Concord and various other regional theatres.… continue reading »